Of horses... and 'being rural'

I talked about hippotherapy already, but after reading a post on a horse group I am on, I realized I haven't talked about horses changing your life yet.  Anyway, a book was brought up, talking about the alternate reality of horse ownership:

Women are From Venus and so Are Their Horses

Overview

A Grown Man's Musings on the Opposite Sex in the Saddle

Description

MENNO KALMANN with illustrations by JEANNE KLOEPFER

A Great Gift Book

The world of horsemanship is teeming with women and girls who are totally devoted to their trusty steeds. Often, fathers or husbands are involved as well, dragged unwillingly and unknowingly into this alternate reality. One such man is the author of this book, whose life revolves entirely around his wife and her horses. He really doesn't feel connected to horses in any way; he doesn't speak the jargon, and he is locked in an unending struggle with stables, horse trailers, and arenas. Regular nocturnal rude awakenings have been his lot. His experiences include helping a mare give birth, calling the veterinarian any number of times, and of course, packing up and accompanying his wife to competitions long before daybreak.

I'm thinking I just may need to read this one.  Regardless,  I guess I never really thought of the horse world being an 'alternate reality', but that would have been because it WAS my reality. Ever since I was a little girl I gravitated towards the equine.  Grandpa always would recount the tale of a little girl, maybe 3, feeding a donkey at a historical park, with her arm in the animal's mouth up to her elbow.  He got me out and did I go running because the donkey tried to eat me?  No.  I went back to picking grass and feeding it. 

I grew up in town, the biggest city in South Dakota (a little over 100,000), for what ever that is worth.  Always preferred the country though, spending as much time as I could get, over in Minnesota at the farm my grandpa lived and worked on.  Getting to ride along in the combine or grain truck around harvest time was a highlight of my year.  Then, when I was about eight, I met the neighbor kids, and their horses.  Thus started my journey into this 'alternate reality' that is the horse world.  One of the poems that defines me yet is;
“The daughter who won’t lift a finger in the house is the same child who cycles madly off in the pouring rain to spend all morning mucking out a stable.” ~ Samantha Armstrong 

Most everything was experiential learning, and luckily, I survived unscathed.   Once I got older, about 13, I finally got my parents talked into letting me take riding lessons.  I was going to learn to jump, and go on to competing in the Olympics.  And so I did... learn about jumping.  I started showing, and pushing harder for my own horse.  'Yes', once my parents were sure I could and would take care of it.

I helped pay for my lessons by cleaning stalls at the stable where I took them.  Finally, at 16, my parents conceded and allowed my grandmother to buy me my first horse.  My parents and I did the 'shopping', and really, none of us knew a thing about buying a horse.  Dad steered me away from a couple that I'm very glad he did, thinking back to my trial rides.  Mom came with when we looked at Clue - a 16 hand, green broke three year old quarter horse... I fell in love at first sight, and I doubt much would have deterred me.  The deal was, I had to do my best for paying all the expenses, as well as doing all the care.  Most kids rejoice at a snow day off from school, I did too, but not because I would spend the day lounging about and watching TV.  No, I knew the stable manager would be calling me up and would come pick me up on her way to the barn and I'd be spending my day helping feed and water all the horses in the barn and cleaning stalls.  Those really where great days, just the barn manager and myself breaking ice in buckets, getting feed to the horses and letting each horse have a run in the arena while their stall got cleaned.  It was quiet and very systematic, those days were the simplest and smoothest, just because there were never any interruptions or things, like school, that had to be rushed off for.

We had many adventures early on.  Leaving for shows before the sun was up, him dragging me across the dewy grass because he didn't want to load, Clue thinking a canter cue meant to throw a buck in for good measure, getting a fourth in an english equitation class despite the bucking.  We did a lot of trail riding, and shows, both english and western, and some jumping.  I knew nothing of how to properly teach a horse to jump... really, only barely knew myself looking at my position in the pictures.  Luckily for both of us, Clue got diagnosed with DJD (Degenerative Joint Disease - arthritis) only a little bit after I got him and we stopped pushing the jumping. 

We started learning dressage... and Clue quit bucking - at least when working on dressage things.  Flat classes (pleasure and equitation shows), group trail rides and team penning were still game... oh, and most certainly if we (I) thought we should try and run games (barrels, poles, etc.).  I still have Clue, and I'm not entirely sure why, other than sentimental reasons and that I know him so well, or at least think I do.  He really is a good horse, he just has never really been able to become the all-star all around horse I was hoping for.  Rather, I conformed and changed my riding endeavors to match him, and now he fits me pretty well.  Luckily for both of us, after my ms diagnosis, and having left him at my mother-in-law's for two years while we got moved and started down in Nebraska, I took an interest in actually learning to communicate with horses and not just 'do' things with them.  I figured our first ride after so much time off would be a major rodeo, so, for the first time in my life, I employed a trainer to work the buck out of him.  She did a lot of ground work and natural horsemanship, and he didn't buck!  Now, mildly disabled, I have started on another leg of my journey with horses.

I have no idea why someone would think that horses are an alternative lifestyle.  Everyone has something they spend every extra dime on, and even choose to go without certain things for, don't they?  Many (non horse) people believe that if you have horses you must have a lot of money.  Yes, they are expensive, but no more so than, say, owning a big dog and driving a nicer car.  I don't remember the last time I went and bought myself new clothes, other than to replace something that had worn out or didn't fit anymore.  What's wrong with going places with mud and manure on your clothes and shoes?  Hay in your hair?  Horse snot on your shoulder?  Waking up an hour earlier than you'd need to just so you can get chores done?  Isn't a whole lot different than baby food on your shirt.  Yeah, want to talk about expensive 'pets'... ever look into how much it costs to raise a child?! lol  If Nate and I didn't have our horses, we might have a few more 'toys', and maybe my husband would go hunting as much as he'd like to, but we wouldn't be as happy.  The horses bring a peace of mind, and balance to our lives, for myself anyway.

Oh, 'being rural'.  I may cover this another day, but I can tell you I am far happier 'out in the sticks' looking at our neighbor's field, my horses in the pasture, and listening to the rooster crowing than I ever have been in town... except maybe in college when I lived next to the Cow/Calf Unit at school and could see the cows every day. 

If your life get's turned upside down, turn it inside out

The last few months of my pregnancy and following my son's birth, I would have been lost without my power chair.  I got one of the new(er? - new to me anyway) strollers with the car seat that hooks into it, thinking that after Cody was born I would move him around the house with that to avoid falling with him.  That didn't happen.  The power chair made everything easier, and I didn't hurt so much and didn't have to worry so much about getting my new baby into a stroller and not falling standing there.  It's been 5 months now since Cody was born.  I have been using my walker more and even 'free walking' recently during the times when he is sleeping, but always using the chair when working with him.  The whole time though, I've had the old saying 'use it or loose it' sitting in the back of my mind, wondering if I was still using my legs, etc. enough not to loose them.

Yesterday was a breaking point for me, of sorts.  Ultimately, I decided that I had been catering to my limitations, with trying to do things 'normally' only now and then.  I'm now going to 'play normal' by trying to do as much as I can the way I used to before the ms and before my body went completely haywire with the pregnancy added in, and only do things in a 'disabled' fashion as my body says 'enough' and I know I need to be doing less.   For instance, I usually sit in my chair to mix Cody's bottles and today I've mixed all of them while standing, after having even walked from his room with them after feeding him.  Talk about feeling completely out of shape!  Yesterday, I actually moved Cody around like I'd originally planned with the stroller,  stood up while I changed him, and fed him on the couch rather than my chair.  Probably will only be a once a day thing until I get stronger, but worrisome PTs be damned, Cody's bigger and using that chair all the time is going to bury me.

I love how the last physical therapist I saw before Cody was born put it, 'The pregancy has compromised your ms.'  Isn't that the truth.  It's normal for women to experience changes in their pelvis when they are pregnant and after they have the baby, but add in spastic muscles trying to pull everything every which way, and you end up with a sacral joint that locks and/or pops and clicks.  Now, with having fallen back to the chair to be able to care for Cody (and contribute at least SOME to the house work, etc.), I have really slid down hill and gotten worse much quicker than I was guessing I would following the pregnancy.  The PTs have helped me greatly, but I have to wonder if sometimes they get overly cautious.

Today is my first day trying to do everything on my feet.  So far, I've only used my chair about half the time and boy am I tired!  Is amazing how many muscles you use just for standing and walking and how quickly, at least if you have ms, you get out of shape when you stop using them on a regular basis.  I know that if I keep picking at what the ms keeps trying to knock out, I may just end up at a neutral point where I don't get worse... and I can keep up the hope that I may even end up better.

Actually, in reading through this trying to correct my clumsy finger typos, I just realized how it really isn't amazing how out of shape you get if you stop walking, etc. as much as you did, and it isn't just because I have ms.  When I was 14 I broke my foot and wore a cast for 6 - 8 weeks - WEEKS, and my calf muscles where disgustingly atrophied to the point my lower leg made me think of pictures I'd seen of POWs and people in the holocaust concentration camps who had been starved.  So, why would I think my whole body would be any different if I had quit using it to the extent I had been.

All we can do each day is try our best and keep working to make ourselves and our situation better.

Loved

I'll start out why it's so strange for me to feel loved by a good number of people.  Funny thing, it really only comes down to a handful of people that got me feeling this way; suspicious, unworthy of others caring for me and rejected.  I moved to an entirely new state, and therefore a new 'culture' in a lot of ways, for a job.  The people at the job were very helpful and made me feel like they were friendly at least, if not cared about me, and even helped me some with the two, mainly one, person who had been filling in for the position and knowledge I was told was the main reason I was hired and, I believe, was feeling rejected themselves.  Anyway, to sum up what is making my back ache just thinking about, I got my diagnosis of ms and went from a very outgoing, active person to someone who was unsure of what my body would do and cautious enough to try for accommodations so I knew I could manage my body and not let anything slip in my job.  I was moved to a 'temporary part time position' (fired)... with my boss ultimately saying 'ms didn't fit the image'.  Then, that summer afterwards, I ran into a couple people who didn't understand me doing the same things and having 'limitations' (like horse show judges, I mean WHY would someone who should be in a therapeutic riding situation be trying to SHOW?!).

Why I was feeling so loved the other night:  I've made some very supportive friends who have been there for me this whole time (including at the before mentioned show....), and a few more have been showing their support more recently, but it really hit home on Wednesday.  I, naturally, have not been able to get out and ride very much since having Cody, and wasn't riding a lot before hand, what with being pregnant and all.  Needless to say, I am horribly out of shape and even out of practice for doing much (you wouldn't think it'd matter... but apparently it does!).  I had put a call out letting the people I was going to ride with know I was going to need help, since I hate the idea of just 'expecting' people to take care of me, lol, thinking back to me as a child... my mantra was, "I can do it myself".  Well, one of my longest 'trusted people' was going to be at the ride, and I was comforted by the fact I would only be 'troubling' one person.  She had an amazing opportunity come up, and, as I probably would have, took it.  Well, I knew some at the ride had offered their support before, so despite some worry on my husband's part, I went anyway... praying for God's help on the way to the state park.  He gave it, through all the wonderful people of the group I've been riding with and am friends with online.  Immediately, the leader of the group came over and asked it I needed help.  Now, I have proven I can saddle with my dressage saddle on my own, but knew I'd be more secure in my western saddle.  So, I timidly asked if she would saddle for me.  She did!  And her and another friend helped me with all of it - bushing, saddling and getting stuff out of the trailer.  So I then went and ate, since we were riding out soon.  Then I go to get on my horse.  Me being me, I don't disturb anyone and call people over, because 'I can do it myself'.  Yeah, well I'd sent the horse I'd brought with off to a trainer... ultimately like having them go learn a different language and you not speaking it.  Anyway, he didn't like my using his head for my walking aid, like I'd been doing the last several years, and pulled back.  I landed on my butt, disturbed people anyway because all those near came over, and everything just washed over me and I had tears rolling down my face.  (also a major dislike of mine, though unfortunately, I am getting more used to it because it also appears to go with the ms)  I got some assistance back up, we joked, I started laughing at the situation and everyone reassured me they were amazed by my not letting the ms get me down... and really, hadn't I JUST had a baby not that long ago.  So we rode.  Almost an hour into the ride, I know I'm getting tired and call it quits.  Had another friend, actually a couple, offer to go back to the trailer with me and help - I said I just needed one person to change their ride and help and the one friend and I headed back.  Goodness, I'd been having some trouble with my dismount, but after some active riding, it was NOT going to happen.  Ended up having to have her push my leg up over the cantle, but I finally got on the ground, safely.  THEN, she untacked my horse for me.

I don't know why I'm so amazed by the show of support and acceptance of my limitations, but I am.  Maybe it was this added on to the assistance I got from my 'show friend's husband when I went to the show last weekend without my husband (who is usually my 'stable boy', as he likes to call helping me).  Maybe it's from those early experiences of my ms either being ignored of rejected.  Maybe it was God.  What ever the reason, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of being loved and cared for as I started my drive home.  It's hard for me, because I know it is impossible for me to pay the kindnesses back completely... and I'm left here wondering how long I have lived feeling that I can't let people be more helpful to me than I can be for them.  I've often wondered what God's purpose for allowing me to get ms is, perhaps that is one of the reasons - to teach me it does not matter how much work I can do for others, or money I can give them, that I am valuable and loved just for being me.  And God HASN'T allowed me to loose everything, and I can still be useful... just not in the ways I used to be.

Hippotherapy

By definition, according to http://www.brighthub.com/health/alternative-medicine/articles/16082.aspx, "Hippotherapy is a physical, occupational, or speech and language therapy treatment method that is based on the movement of a horse. The patient is made to ride a horse and is monitored by the therapist. It is generally used to treat the neurological disorders that accompany multiple sclerosis.", among many other disorders.

I have been saying that my riding helps me since I first started having symptoms, and yesterday was no exception.  Actually, I've been saying I was better on four legs then I was on my own two for MANY years.  Anyway, I've been doing PT in my home for a while now (3.5 weeks), trying to get strong and steady enough that I felt safe taking Cody out with me to appointments, etc. on my own.  It has been helping, but apparently, my three and a half hours sitting and riding my 'therapy horse', Cherokee, Sunday tipped the scales.  I did more yesterday than I have been doing, and then I had energy, etc. to do.  Did some cleaning - standing, not staying in the power chair!  I mostly just walked around Sunday, but did get in a little trotting and cantering.  I also threw my leg over the saddle horn a few times, side saddle style, which got easier each time I did it.  That's why I refer to Cherokee as my 'therapy horse', because he's pretty rock solid on not doing anything 'stupid' and actually served AS a therapy horse for a summer. 

I must have been a little more tired than I thought, lol, because I didn't think what I wrote above was making sense, so I just saved to and am finishing the page today.  It wasn't too bad, but did need a few adjustments to make the sentences flow a little better. :-)

Back to hippotherapy;  two years ago, pre - having my baby,  I was back to cantering already.  Whereas riding in general is helpful, Nate noticed a definite difference/improvement in my own gait after I'd cantered a little.  I am now on the search for either what research has already been done, or someone willing to do research on how the different gaits of a horse affect the body and the nervous system.  I'll keep the blog posted on anything I find out.














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Why must we try to pack as much as possible into weekends?

Really, it was a great weekend... but I will fully admit to crying at one point near the end of the daylight (obviously, the day is not yet over for me at a little b411 pm here... but I'll finish on Mon.).  I'll just go through each day;

Friday: Wasn't too bad,  It started out like every other day, plus a visit from our friendly extension agent to get some advise on our 'new' pasture land, and how to manage our horses on about the same # of acres... 4.5 (we have the pony, lol).  Jayda's friend stayed with us for the weekend, so she got off the bus with her.  I sent them to play after their snack, and then managed the job Nate had given them of cleaning up the rest of the shingles the wind had spread when he re shingled the other weekend.  Not a problem, and the girls where happy when he got home and paid them for the great job they did.  Movie.  Not TOO late getting to bed for the kids, but I remembered, at about 10:30) that we should do some baking for the sale the next day.  Late night for Nate and I.

Saturday: Slept in a bit, but got up in time for breakfast and chores before heading to Beatrice for the 4H bake sale.  Sat and sold baked goods with the 2 leaders for about 4 hours, with the kids periodically coming by the table.  TSC when they have chicks and a dog rescue in is so much fun! lol  Finished the sale, and then walked around the store for grain and salt licks and answer Jayda's plees for things.  Now, remember I'm mostly in the power chair during the week days so I can take care of the baby, so now I'm using my cane so I don't loose ALL my muscle, so this is a marathon for me.  Home a little before 4, and have a pretty relaxed night.

Sunday:  Up and make sure everyone gets breakfast, and then take the friend back and Jayda and I head to church, still using just my cane.  Been wanting to ride with friends forever, and around the new place, so combined both.  New chicken and rabbit 4H leader we'd sold things with Saturday came out to my place and we rode down to the rec area a mile south of us.  I was really hoping to explore the rec area, but we pretty much made it down there and around enough to realize the first entrance wasn't the one you wanted to go to if you wanted to explore.  I was getting tired, so we decided to head back.  STILL can't get used to being the one who calls it quits before everyone else!  Got back and my body said done.  Luckily I'd grabbed the shorter horse and could get my foot onto the mounting block enough that I just kinda slid off. lol  Talked with the PT this morning about what muscles are out of shape so bad that I have so much trouble dismounting, and got new exercises.

It's a shame we have to pack so much into a weekend to get it all done.  Still doesn't seem like it should have been that much to completely exhaust me like it did.  Hate too how I can tell when I've over done it because I get emotional. lol. 

The cause of incontinence in ms?

Something that no one wants to talk about, or even mention, but I think I may be learning ways to curb it some, so thought I should share.  I've not suffered full blown urinary incontinence, as of yet, which research has shown magnesium hydroxide to help.  But I have had the other type.... bleck, and so did my grandmother who had ms, which I'm glad we found her record of what she did with her ms.  She said magnesium helped her with her incontinence as well.  Anyway, the other episodes I had of it were 'loose' and due to bladder infections - the only sign I may have an infection too, btw.  But I've had a couple that where just my sphincter not holding, not too big an issue.  After reading Grandma's notes, I realized I'd forgotten my magnesium pill the night before these episodes.  Well, just all the more reason to take my supplements I guess!

European American

The first time I heard of someone refer to themselves as that I thought they were crazy.  But are they?  I just filled out a poll and it listed, under 'which racial group do you most closely identify yourself with'; white, black/African American, American Indian/Alaska Native, Asian or Pacific Islander, or other.  Why is it 'just' White, when it's not 'just' Black, Red or Yellow?  Silly thing to contemplate, I know, but when one part of my family was here during the revolution, and the other part has been here 3 generations, I don't understand why they list White as a race, and break up the other 'colors'.  Just pondering....