Saturday, September 1, 2012

Wish MS were terminal?

I did - a LONG time ago.  I'd just started running into my 'new normal' of walking with a cane and not really cantering, had just lost my first job after graduating because of the MS diagnosis, had my mother and mother-in-law take my daughter (then my only child) for the summer 'so it'd be easier on me', plus the heavy feeling of that this would always be how it was going to be - hard to live with.  Well, I just saw this story on the 'We're Not Drunk We Have MS' Face Book community page;


MS sufferer rode wheelchair for two hours to kill herself
An MS sufferer travelled for two hours in an electric wheelchair to commit suicide in a canal - after her twin sister refused to buy her flight to the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland.

Carol Hutchins is supported by her stepmother Jane and father Alec after completing the Reading Half Marathon in 1993. She was a keen runner before MS struck her down Photo: INS
7:30AM GMT 24 Feb 2012
The day before Carol Hutchins died, she arrived home in floods of tears after the lever on her buggy had jammed leaving her unable to throw herself over a 3ft fence and into the water.
Determined to end her life, Mrs Hutchins returned to the canal the following day and got the mechanism working to lift the chair above the height of the fence.
The 53-year-old waited until a crew of workmen cleaning graffiti nearby went on a break before heaving her body, which was immobile from the chest down, into the water.
When the labourers returned to the towpath of the Kennet and Avon Canal in Reading, Berks., they found the empty wheelchair and then spotted Carol floating face-down in the water.
Police constable Victoria Blaszko (corr) leapt over the 3ft fence and dragged the middle-aged woman's body from the water as fellow officers, firefighters and paramedics rushed to the towpath.
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Mrs Hutchins, who had been described as a vibrant woman with a "larger than life personality", was taken to hospital where she was declared dead shortly after arrival on October 22 last year.
A post mortem examination gave the cause of her death as drowning.
The Berkshire coroner heard that Mrs Hutchins was diagnosed with MS in 1989 and had taken part in marathons before MS ravaged her body and left her wheelchair bound.
Her sister, Ingrid Foan, said that in July 2010 her depressed sister was unable to do anything for herself and begged her to buy a one way plane ticket to Switzerland so she could end her life.
"She was terrified by what was happening to her," she tearfully told the hearing in Windsor, Berks.
She told how her sister had said that she had "lost everything and didn't want to live like this anymore," and had previously spoken of throwing herself into the canal.
Ingrid explained that after a 10-week hospital stay her sibling's condition had improved and she was able to do much more for herself.
Carol's devastated parents, Alec and Ursula, said they believed their daughter had planned to end her life before her condition worsened further and she could no longer control her destiny.
Mr Hutchins said: "We think she planned it while she was in hospital.
"She didn't involve anyone else. She knew exactly what MS was and what it was doing to her."
When asked whether they thought Carol had taken her own life, Mr Hutchins replied: "I'm in no doubt."
In recording his verdict coroner Peter Bedford said that Carol was suffering from a "horrible" disease at the time of her death.
"From the evidence given to me I am quite satisfied that Carol Hutchins died on October 22 last year at the Royal Berkshire Hospital and that she took her own life while suffering from multiple sclerosis and depression."
Speaking before the hearing Mr Hutchins called for assisted suicide to be legalised.
"Carol was a very courageous woman but at the end of the day she has demonstrated a need for euthanasia in this country," he said.
"People say life is precious but there comes a point when life is not precious and it becomes torture for those that are living.
"Carol had thought about going to Dignitas in Switzerland but it is very expensive and it puts other people in a difficult position.
"It showed tremendous courage for her to do what she did all alone and I believe that she had planned it after having enough of being a prisoner in her own home.
"She knew one more setback could leave her totally immobilised and she wouldn't be able to do anything for herself and she would just be washed, dressed and stuck in front of the television."
Story

All the comments to the story can be seen at: https://www.facebook.com/WereNotDrunkWeHaveMs

Personally, I can understand.  I've only been diagnosed for about 6 years, and most imortantly, I have a GREAT support system who have worked hard to help me keep riding the horses.  I have trouble now feeling sorry for myself just with the amount of help people give me to keep me riding.  In the last month alone, I've been literally drug off my horse to get me on the ground about half a dozen times.  But, on the plus side, I have people who don't mind doing that for me and have over 100 miles for the year in the Distance Derby!

2 comments:

  1. Most of us are blessed to never face a terminal illness or one as debilitating as MS. So it is hard to say "what I would do" or wouldn't do. I know that family and friends and my animals are the most important thing to me and leaving them wouldn't be an option. I can only assume that Carol felt utter despair at her condition and didn't want another type of life. How sad for her family and for her.

    I know you have seen changes in what you could do in the earlier years vs now. And I know you have had to make some changes in your expectations. But just like the Derby, its not about winning, its about setting goals. Not sandbagging, but those that are in your reach. I don't know where you thought you would be in the Derby but we started with 74 riders and you are sitting at #42. You should be very proud of yourself, Jamie.

    The road ahead will not be easy but unlike Carol, I hope you will continue to do what you like to do -- perhaps it won't be in the same capacity as you do today, but your talents will be put to use in other ways.

    Hang in there, my friend. :)

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  2. Oh yeah, I'm not giving up ANY time soon! Thanks for your words of encouragement. Like I replied on FB, it sounds too me like Carol just lost hope. I think my biggest hurdle has been asking for and accepting help from others... and as long as I can remain at peace with that, I think I'll be okay. It says Carol didn't like the idea of being dependant... I've already come to accept that that just may be the way of it. My riding's actually been the biggest factor with that, having to have people help me tack/untack or both and get on and or off my horse has been a tough thing to accept.

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